Decide What You Want

happyI don’t know about you but deciding what I want has always been a challenge for me.

Crazy, right? It doesn’t make any sense. Just decide what you want. Simple.

I’m constantly indecisive. Avoidance is my M.O. It doesn’t serve me well. I know this but still…

So why don’t I just change it you ask…hell, I ask myself that daily. Just change it and make a bloody decision.

Yes, I know indecision is a decision. But, really, what’s my problem? Too many choices, too many what ifs, too many negative thoughts? Maybe I’m a perfectionist. Who’s to say.

I could trace this back to childhood. That’s always a good excuse. But just for the record it seemed that no matter what choice I made as a kid…I was wrong.

Not a great way to instill confidence in decision-making. Might as well let someone else decide and just go with the flow. I did just go with the flow so that is a learned skill I still use today.

But let’s get back to why I was always wrong…at least in the eyes of one parent. (I’m not getting into the blame game here. We’ve all had issues. I’m just providing a bit of back story.) According to dear ole dad I was never right.

Here’s a quick example: One day, just before I was about to go out with friends, he told me not to come home late. Tired of his ambiguity I asked what he considered late. No answer. I waited. Still no answer. So no matter what time I came home I was late. See, always wrong. (Making him always right.)

Now here’s the thing. I knew this. I was well aware that he was…uh, a bit off.

Yet, I’m still gun-shy when it comes to decision-making. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve made zillions of decisions large and small. The big decisions seemed easier in a way. Move out…that decision took only seconds. And, I acted upon it immediately.

Quit my job and go sailing for a month with a man I’d only recently met? No problem…I’m outta here. (No, I never sailed before.)

Move to Florida…really, not a big decision.

Write a book and finish it…decided, did it, done.

But decide what it is I want when I’m not up against a wall? Ugh…I’d rather be force-fed HFC-laden, gluten-loaded white biscuits until I’m pounding my fists on the floor crying uncle.

I’m not going to leave this confession without making a decision. It’s not a big one.

So here it is: I’m painting the bathroom Bahamas Underwater Green! Whew. Finally, I picked a color.

How about you? What decision are you making today?

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